Emotions

It's phenomenal what a little bit of exercise can do for your mood. I played volleyball last night for the first time in a while. Even though it was painful every time the ball hit my arms, and even though I was so hot and sweaty, it was totally worth it. I felt so physically refreshed and energized afterward. Earlier that day, I had been in a more depressed state. Young Hye had backed out of the bus trip to Paris, saying it was too expensive, and she didn't want to go home completely broke. The MSU guys continually leave me out of any of their plans. Finally, after class that morning, I had reached my breaking point. I bawled my eyes out back in my dorm room. I wrote a new blog entry to let out some emotion and could hardly read it through my tears. It was only posted for about half an hour though, before I chose to delete it. I knew that if I was complaining about being lonely, I would just hear my parents tell me it was my own fault and I need to do a better job of reaching out. I can imagine Mom right now: "It's not my problem if you don't have any friends and are having a terrible time." I didn't feel like dealing with any of that.
So, Paris is a no-go the weekend of July 4. I'll be honest; I'm ready to go home. I'm sick of trying to make plans. I'm sick of getting more and more broke every day. I'm sick of attempting to cook. I've had spaghetti the last three nights in a row. I can make pasta now--go me. I'm sick of not being able to understand anybody. Hopefully things take a turn for the better starting now.